The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
