Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
