i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
