R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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