Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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