4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize