This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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