Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
