Don't you send me to vm
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How's work?
Spinning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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