Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
