They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
