i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
