I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
