The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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