ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
