i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
