It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
