I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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