I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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