you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
