I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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