Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
3 2 1 whiskey
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
