grandma shit on top of the toilet
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
