I feel great
I just peed on a car
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
