there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
