so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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