who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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