Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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