If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
