i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She's the barista slut.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
