How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
