Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You ruined the universe
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
