a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
