oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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