Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize