just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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