Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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