did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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