I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
