god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
