you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
