yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
