do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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