reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
