party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
