maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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