I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
