Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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