She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
