You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm always down for nudity.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
