the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
