soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
