I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
