You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And then he peed in my hair
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