you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize