Your mouth is God's brothel.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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