she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
