Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
