My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
