she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
