check it out our google latitudes are spooning
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
