Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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