You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
