These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
