I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
