Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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