I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
