I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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