listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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