i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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