My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
