For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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