Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
