I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Are we still banned from the library?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
