the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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