and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
