you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
