I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
