I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
