who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
