Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
