i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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