Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
