Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
