Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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