help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
