Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
