I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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