I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
