he referred to my room as the tit cave...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
