I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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