I think I won the penis lottery.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
