My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
