I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize